A year flew past ; Not fast or slow either. It's been a long time since I've had the motivation to write. It has also been a year that is full of joy and sadness at times. But as time goes on, there are things in life where one cannot really satisfy and the solution towards it is also unclear and we tend to find ourselves doing something that we are not suppose to do.
At the start of last year, while nothing much has really happened, I tend to find myself in a situation where I didn't know what i was doing, yet feelings itself weren't that complicated and everything was easier back then. Till the first quarter of 2016, everything was fine until I realize i fell for a person.
Certainly, It wasn't an easy task for myself to figure weather I really liked her or not, but as time goes by, the feelings were very clear. Aside from personal life, there weren't really any other special things going on, except for sloppy academic results. Life is unpredictable at times, whereby its easy to fall in love and hard to stop your own feelings from developing.
Although this relationship didn't last long, I really enjoyed the times I've spent with her. A good 6 months, from friends to boy-girl relationship. Yet, the end of this relationship had me thinking what was the problem. Although on the outside I may look like I am fine, deep down there are thousands of feelings, complicated, disappointed, even sad. A long explanation could have solved the problem yet instead I chose to run away and ignore as much as possible.
Normally, no one would have thought that running away will hurt another person. But in my case, I really regret the way I treated her after the end of our relationship. Although I really want to talk to her but at the same time I didn't want to hurt myself once again. Ignoring and run away was a clear choice back then, until I realize that I've hurt her inside in order to make myself happier.
At this point of time, I realize that talking it out would be a good solution but I dragged so long that I ran out of time. During the night when it was the last day of class, I've decided to talk it out personally, mainly because I just want to apologize for all the things I've did to her indirectly and it ended in a happy note.
Weeks went by, slowly, memories start to hunt me back again. All the times and things I had with her. Yet all I can do is just look at the Polaroid that I have. All the late night thoughts, all the places that make me reminisce. and most importantly, my own feelings. Yet everything is just too late and I have no more time left.
These 3 months of 2017 haven't really been good to me, but still I've managed to make something good out of it and a lot of things have changed since then. Till next time.
