14 Months later

A year flew past ; Not fast or slow either. It's been a long time since I've had the motivation to write. It has also been a year that is full of joy and sadness at times. But as time goes on, there are things in life where one cannot really satisfy and the solution towards it is also unclear and we tend to find ourselves doing something that we are not suppose to do.

At the start of last year, while nothing much has really happened, I tend to find myself in a situation where I didn't know what i was doing, yet feelings itself weren't that complicated and everything was easier back then. Till the first quarter of 2016, everything was fine until I realize i fell for a person.

Certainly, It wasn't an easy task for myself to figure weather I really liked her or not, but as time goes by, the feelings were very clear. Aside from personal life, there weren't really any other special things going on, except for sloppy academic results. Life is unpredictable at times, whereby its easy to fall in love and hard to stop your own feelings from developing.

Although this relationship didn't last long, I really enjoyed the times I've spent with her. A good 6 months, from friends to boy-girl relationship. Yet, the end of this relationship had me thinking what was the problem. Although on the outside I may look like I am fine, deep down there are thousands of feelings, complicated, disappointed, even sad. A long explanation could have solved the problem yet instead I chose to run away and ignore as much as possible.

Normally, no one would have thought that running away will hurt another person. But in my case, I really regret the way I treated her after the end of our relationship. Although I really want to talk to her but at the same time I didn't want to hurt myself once again. Ignoring and run away was a clear choice back then, until I realize that I've hurt her inside in order to make myself happier.

At this point of time, I realize that talking it out would be a good solution but I dragged so long that I ran out of time. During the night when it was the last day of class, I've decided to talk it out personally, mainly because I just want to apologize for all the things I've did to her indirectly and it ended in a happy note.

Weeks went by, slowly, memories start to hunt me back again. All the times and things I had with her. Yet all I can do is just look at the Polaroid that I have. All the late night thoughts, all the places that make me reminisce. and most importantly, my own feelings. Yet everything is just too late and I have no more time left.

These 3 months of 2017 haven't really been good to me, but still I've managed to make something good out of it and a lot of things have changed since then. Till next time.

Back here once again

It sure has been a long time since I've posted on my blog. Although this wasn't my intention, there are some things that I was having trouble with and thus making me very hard to have time to post.

2 weeks into 3rd semester, I felt quite lost at times and feels like I've lost interest in studying. Although I was just saying it from my mouth at first, slowly I didn't realize that I've been showing it lately. It is quite hard to really say that I have lost interest in studying cause there isn't much evidence that says about it but the feeling is quite weird from what I used to have when studying before.

Throughout these three semesters, I feel like I have grown a lot and also learned a lot of things in the society. Even though now and then I still receive criticism due to my exam results, I did not really take them instead I just used it as a motivation to get better grades for the following semester. Although this might sound like what everyone is saying, but sometimes it really works.

I couldn't think of much content to write in this post but after clearing my mind by writing it, I have to admit that it really felt good as all the worries have now being spoken. And for now, this marks the end of the post while I will try to figure out what should I write for the next post.

Results, Criticism, and etc.

After seeing all those people that post themselves heading to 2016 countdown parties, there has been a lot of thoughts in my mind. I'd rather find a quiet cafe and relax there or just have a small gather with few of my friends. New year to me doesn't feel special at all. Feels like doing the same shit all over again for 365 (366 for this year) days.

After collecting my Semester 2's result, I am quite surprise about it, First thing first, I honestly never expected myself to failed French despite writing a wrong essay. For "PDS", I didn't have high hopes of passing the paper as I find it somehow quite tough for me. There were too many essays to be written yet too little time. I did try my best yet I guess it isn't quite enough to pass the paper.

Criticism. One of the things that I don't understand sometimes is criticism. Instead of criticizing a person, why not comfort them. And sometimes, there would be A-hole's that take criticism to the next level. I just can't understand why do people even do that. It literally makes no sense at all and doesn't even benefit anyone at the situation. This is just purely on my perspective so I wouldn't say that the way that I am treating this thing is correct as there might be different opinions from other people.

New year, life, and etc.

And finally, 2015 is officially over. With all the stuff that has happen throughout the whole year. It has really been an crazy year. From ending my holiday lifestyle and going to college and many more. There are a lot of things that I really want to express it out yet I failed to do so.

School life ; School life hasn't been very bad nor good either. Most of time, Its either study or playing with mobile phones during class time. Not a lot of things have happen at the end of semester 2. Yet I felt that it has let me learn a lot more of the things. One of the most important lesson I've learn in college this year was "How people around you change slowly".

Personal Stuff ; There hasn't been any interesting activity in my own life. Everyday is like the same thing for me. Eat, sleep, play, and etc. Although I spent most of the mornings sleeping, sometimes I tend to wake up early even though I don't know what to do after having breakfast.

School is starting soon in 2 days time, yet I am still in holiday mood. Feels like I've suddenly lost interest in studying yet it doesn't feel realistic at all. And all of a sudden, it feels like I'm really lost at a point where I don't know what am I doing with my own life. But this has truly been a good semester break for myself to calm down and relax. It has also let me created more memories with most of the friends from high school.

Thank You 2015.

Attitude ; What is it?

Something that I've came across a lot lately is the attitude in people. A lot of people have different attitudes towards different people. For example, a man may be a gentleman in front of girls while on the other hand, he maybe a gangster wannabe. Depending on what the person is acting like, it gives the other person a good impression or a bad impression.

The main point of this post is "Why be someone else when you can just be yourself?" To be honest, Its not like people don't mix with you if you are being kind and friendly. While you are acting kind and friendly to a group of people, the other people that you've previously treated badly maybe gossiping about you. 

Slowly, this is a very serious situation in the modern society. Often people forget who they were and tried to be someone else just gain attention. The only way to gain attention is by improving your attitude but not changing your attitude. The good attitudes can be improved while the bad ones can be changed slowly. Thus, sometimes I really don't get it why people try so hard to act like who they aren't and end up being ignored by most of the people.

The society isn't as friendly as most people would think of. Even if you act like the best person in the group, no one will give any attention to you as you are not who you are. This might also lead to the loss of friends. Although I've said before in my previous post "You have to try hard to succeed", this doesn't mean by you should change your attitude.

Kids nowadays also have a arrogant and impatient attitude. I admit that I sometimes can be very impatient, but never ever be arrogant towards elders and people that are around you. It shows that you are disrespecting them and bored of what they are talking about. I've seen kids at the age of 8-10 years old, scolding foul words and showing middle finger. Honestly, the parenting in the society now is pretty much fucked up. Without proper education, what can these kids to in future? 

People should act like who they really are and don't try to change their attitude to gain attention.

Relationship

It is not easy to understand the feelings of falling in love with a person. The feelings that cannot be described easily nor ignored easily. It is very easily to spot someone that is falling in love with another person with actions such as denying, blushing, and etc. But what does falling in love really mean? Thus, for this post, I will share about my own experience about having a relationship.

" It all started with just being friends with each other. As it progresses, both parties starts to talk to each other everyday and share about the small details on the daily lifestyle of one. That's the point where feelings for the other person starts to develop. At first, It might feel very weird and you might deny the feelings.

The second stage, sharing about personal things such as lifestyle and the past. By now, both of the parties are very comfortable on sharing on very personal things and comfort each other if something happens. It is also very common when they start to like the same thing or talk with the same style. Moving on, as those feelings start to develop more, it is very normal if a person sometimes has a sudden rush of confessing the love to the other party.

Third stage, this could be one of the scariest moments; confessing. Though it is not likely that a person wouldn't reply after one confesses to them. Sometimes the confession might be rejected and it is very likely the friendship will end at this stage too. But if its the opposite, the best moments in ones life has just started. Yet it is not true that having a relationship could be the best thing ever. Sometimes there are arguments and all within a relationship. That's the thing that makes a relationship perfect. Sometimes, it is better if a person takes a step back rather than trying to step forward. "

The happiest type of relationship is when you can see each other everyday and having meals together, watch movie together, and etc. Truthfully, long distance relationship is really hard and it takes a lot of trust in each other to be successful. Even though I have shared my own experience in this post, a person that has not experienced it before might not know what I am writing about thus It is not easy to understand relationships at all.

Thoughts ; My Life

And there goes my second semester. Time flies whenever I am not really counting them. Eight months into studying and I honestly felt that It wasn't that bad at all. Though I don't know what will my result look like for this semester, Its still better to enjoy the time I have now.

3 weeks of holiday ; The emptiness in my brain is slowly giving me a headache as I am not able to find stuff to do during this holiday. At first, I thought I would be able to travel this year end but I didn't really save up a whole lot of money, thus I can't go anywhere. Even going to Singapore cost a bomb now due to the currency ratio.

"Work Hard Play Hard"

Something that really caught my attention these few days was this quote. Many people take this quote as a joke but not knowing what the real meaning. It allows one to see the attitude of the other person as everyone must work hard but also must have enough time to entertain themselves. But often in this society, most people rather prefer "Fuxk Work Play Hard". 

As 2016 starts to slowly approach, there are quite a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Promise ; A short word but with tons of meaning in it. To be honest, everyone is too naive to give a small though about this. What was being said back then will not definitely happen in the future. Other things such as caring about my exam results starts to come in my mind as I felt like I didn't perform well during this exam.

Yet It can't be judge by my feelings and thoughts. These are one of the times I wonder to myself; If I had put in a little bit more effort than what I did, would I lessen my worries and get better results than what I have now? It honestly is a very open answered question. Some may felt that they have done what they could and won't bother much about their results while some actually worry about their result despite doing a good work.

But since its holiday, why care so much about school work now when you can chill and play everyday. Though I might have to care about my exam results sooner or later, I guess it won't turn out too bad than what I have in mind.

Personalities

Ever since getting into college, there are many types of people I've seen throughout the last 8 months and I don't want to deny it, some of them really piss me off. Even though they didn't offend me, it is still very annoying to see people acting as an another person in order to fit in.

Wannabe ; these type of people are the worst type of people ever. In fact, they can be super annoying at many times just because they try to act as another person to fit in. In my opinion, I won't have any objections if these people are just following their idols or something, but trying to act like another person to fit in..? This has to be the worst thing a person can do. It simply means by you are an attention seeker in general.

Shameless ; these people are just plain stupid in a sense that sometimes I would wonder if they really care about themselves. Few of the shameless actions that are quite popular these days are lying, copying, and many more. Recently, I've been thinking that the people that cheat during exams, what were their intentions? By common knowledge, It is a wrong thing to do in exams and yet there are people in these world that can just do it over and over again without feeling shameless. 

Try-hard ; there are few types of try-hard people in this society. The ones that really try-hard to achieve something and the ones that plainly just annoys people. One of my friend once told me that "You have to try-hard in order to succeed". Honestly, there are a lot of opinions regarding this statement. It all depends on what are your intentions. Is it to achieve something in your college life? Is it just the wants of seeking attention? It all depends on what angle do you view this statement. 

Though I know that ranting about these personalities might not make them change even if they have read what I wrote above. Some people are just that thick skinned and they think that by doing so, they can earn more respect from other people when they are not even close to a clown in other people's eyes. 

Introduction of a Malaysian Kid

A lot of times, I've always stared into a blank document thinking of what to write for a few hours. Although I still wrote something in the end, the quality of the content is not really what I wanted.

"Its not about the Quantity but the Quality."

Countless times, I've asked myself of what do I really want to do after graduating from high-school. Though further studying is a very obvious choice, there are a lot of subjects that I could choose from. Business? Hotel and Culinary? The main questions is still "What do you want to be?" From that point onward, It is very clear that I won't be choosing Business but Hotel and Culinary. Compare both of the courses, Hotel and Culinary is more lively rather than just studying on the books all day long.

At the same time, I have slowly fall in love with Korea. At some point, I felt like going to Korea to study wasn't a bad choice. Looking back at that time, I felt like I was too naive. With little knowledge about Korean language, It is very hard for me to study and survive there. But that didn't stop me from dreaming on living in Korea. A lot of times, its the dream that keeps a person driven to do something, and I think that staying in Korea is the thing that is driving me to study Korean language nowadays.

For hobbies, other than playing games, I either watch You-Tube videos or scrolling through fan-sites, Music is also good company during these activities. It feels like it records the moments that were happening and whenever the song is being played, all those feeling just comeback.

There are a lot of stuff I really want to write about but unfortunately its 4am here. My brain is half asleep even though my heart tells me to keep on writing, Thus, this marks the end of a short introduction about the Malaysian kid.